Fooled Heart
Mar. 4th, 2009 08:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kialioETA: I wrote this over a week ago, but I really just want people to understand how much pain these conversations cause PoC. These "dialogues" are life to us and so much more than an errant conversation.
I want to write something deeply personal.
Something full of pain and hurt and humility.
But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.
I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.
We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.
And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.
"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.
I want to write something deeply personal.
Something full of pain and hurt and humility.
But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.
I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.
We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.
And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.
"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.
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no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 08:19 am (UTC)I have no idea what other foul, disease ridden liquid to call it though.
Yeah, I figured that if I managed to find some imagery even more grotesque (so as to be accurate to the situation) and posted it I might get banned for making you puke all over your computer o.o;;
no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 08:30 am (UTC)I need to get back into doing things. I've been remiss on a lot of things that need doing right now.
Also, I know I don't post/comment much, but I appreciate your posts here and on Iris. In times like these things should be outright stated.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 08:35 am (UTC)Something about the word "diarrhea" triggers an "EW!" response in me that those other words don't. I wonder why o.O
I've been remiss on a lot of things that need doing right now.
I know how that is :( Somehow things just have a way of piling up and then when you could be getting stuff done it's somehow easier to do other, unrelated things...
Also, I know I don't post/comment much, but I appreciate your posts here and on Iris. In times like these things should be outright stated.
*hugs* Thanks... I only wish I could do more.