kialio: (Default)
For [ profile] skywardprodigal, and all of Mordor. Poem "Dream Variations," by Langston Hughes.

To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,

-"Jali" by SoulGlo-

Warning: Image Heavy )
kialio: (Default)
ETA: I wrote this over a week ago, but I really just want people to understand how much pain these conversations cause PoC. These "dialogues" are life to us and so much more than an errant conversation.

I want to write something deeply personal.

Something full of pain and hurt and humility.

But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.

I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.

We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.

And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.

"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.
kialio: (Default)
in the corner...

sucking on my thumb...

holding the blankie close...

chanting it's gonna be all right...

I'm done, I was done before, but now I'm done-done, slightly less than the done I will be tomorrow evening. And nearly not as much done as I will be on the eve of the new year.

Notwithstanding my contempt of convenient cadres of colored comrades. Well... I was going to write up a large diatribe about "unintentional racism" and "I can has rainbow friends" but I just don't have that in me today. I took a much needed break from breaking my fingers on my keyboard regarding the ridiculousness of others. A very, very long break from RaceFail, BlogFail, MayorFail, RapperFail, CartoonFail, RE5Fail, etc. I'm really quite ready for things to !Win. Just a little bit, just a teensy bit. There are little bits of !Win here and there, water them and watch them grow hopefully.

In other Band Wagon(TM) News I'm looking into getting back into roller skating. Skating, not the blading type which didn't thrill me all that much. Though I was shocked honestly; skates are expensive! I'm tempted to put together some computer chair wheels and an old shoe to defray the cost.

I'm now in a RPG group, with people of a different and same hue. Will head-throbbing hilarity ensue? I'm not sure but we are playing Call of Cthulhu!

Yes, a game based on the works of a man who wrote On the Creation of N****rs and other razzle-dazzling displays of racist hegemony. Yes, I am that desperate for roleplay. Leery about putting myself out there again but I’ve got to go out beyond my own door every once in a while at least.

All Aboard

Jan. 20th, 2009 07:40 pm
kialio: (Default)
"The amazing voyage of the of the Failboat Armada."

Only two things have heartened me this past week: Willow’s composure and those allies that finally, painfully get it. My own hand was missing, hesitant, and cowardly in this confrontation. My indignation burned but not enough for me to take on this issue again so soon in the face of some much deliberate ignorance.

How many times must we PoC steel ourselves and wade into arguments that were made over one hundred years ago by the likes of Sojourner Truth. How many times must we be asked to coddle, comfort, and be compassionate to ears that refuse to hear, mouths that speak a racist lie, and eyes which see best only in blindness?

It’s an issue that wears a great stone to mere pebbles that lie in a multitude like gains of sand on the beach. The waves will not stop their assault until everything is ground to dust.

Every single time we speak up there is someone to tell us to shut the hell up. Every time we burn with indignation against the same old shit there is someone there with a fire hose, deranged in their attempt to shut us down. To smolder our passion and erase our justified anger with empty words and rhetoric.

The tools of academia are futile. They are the tools that once argued that folk of justice and honor were one step up from apes. An academia that displayed their body parts in museums next to beasts. An academia that downplays and dismisses the work, the art, and yes, the criticism of cultures from around the world.

PoC still fight for just the right to speak; we haven’t even come close to having a simple discussion.
kialio: (IBARW)
I've thought over my IBARW blog post from the other day a bit. Turning it over my head and more or less realizing that it's pretty much applicable to all parts of fandom and society. I'd like expand on a sentiment that I talked about there in greater depth here. I called it the "agreeable gamer" in that post but it can be termed "agreeable fanfic writer/sci-fi nut/fantasy artist/TV series junkie" and so on.

I don't bother myself with die-hard bigots, racists, homophobes, or sexists. People who don't want to understand just don't want to understand. I don't have Morgan Freeman's infinite patience with the clueless. Those who I do try to reach out to, and at times am completely baffled by, are the "agreeables." People who agree with a certain issue and support their friends privately, but who through willfulness or fear, choose not to say anything publicly.

And it's strange conundrum. Yes, people should be treated with respect and consideration. Yes, people should be heard. Yes, I agree with you and your cause. But damned if I ever speak up in support, affirmation, or understanding. There's sort of a "can't we all just get along" current that runs beneath this idea and/or mentality. If we just stay quiet, stay agreeable things will change sooner or later. Smile sweetly, talk softly. Implore, never demand. Don't make other people uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if this has ever worked in history. Freedom from feudalism did not come because peasants waited patiently for it. Freedom from aristocracy did not happen because people waited patiently for it. The right to participate in government did not happen because people waited patiently for it. The right of women to vote, the right of PoC to be citizens, the right to not be killed or raped for your skin color did not happen because people waited patiently. And something as mundane as wanting to ride in the front of the bus (the bus still gets you there anyway right?) did not happen because people waited patiently for it.

Things do not just happen. Things do not just come to be out of the ether. Minds don't change because one day they wake up and say hey, I was being ridiculous before. "Can't we all just get along" is more about insuring the status quo of the now than it is about support and desire for positive change for tomorrow morning. For the "agreeable" person things are good for them now. While they may understand, please don't rock the boat as they find the cruise quite enjoyable otherwise. If we all "get along" these uncomfortable issues will disappear. To seethe beneath the surface unaddressed and unredressed.

Things change when people speak up. When they make other people uncomfortable and make them think. Those people of the past didn’t need to shout from the rooftops or coat cities with fliers. They talked earnestly and with conviction. Many of them had more dire fears of bodily harm than being looked down upon by their peers. If you agree with my cause, if you agree with that right of being a whole person and not shutting off the very essence of myself when confronted by bigotry… Why in gods name do you frown, do you nod in agreement, do you clasp hands with me, but never speak up?

I'm as baffled by it as MLK Jr. was forty years ago:

"First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Councilor or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another mans freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro the wait for a "more convenient season." *Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating that absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."

More on this as I gather my thoughts together.

*Emphasis mine.


Mar. 22nd, 2008 11:25 pm
kialio: (Default)
Working on a few stories right now with an african diaspora viewpoint. Though the one I'm most worried about is a combination of high fantasy and african elements. I'm not quite sure how it's going to work out or if I should keep the two mythologies of two different continents in their "proper places."

I've read through so much sci-fi and magical realism though of late that I'm really hankering from some good old high fantasy. My eldest brother used to GM D&D for us when I was little, making the orcs, elves, and etc. come alive. I'd like to mix that a bit with traditional and historical glimpses of two (perhaps more) cultures but am hesitant about taking so much on in a story I don't have plot firmly cemented for yet.

As it goes I have one race of tree people. Literally. I'm going to play around with the ideas a bit more. One thing I hope to do with this high fantasy story is highlight the racism and xenophobia that is inherent in such a world but never shown that way. Really in the real world people can't stand anyone with a darker skin tone... but humans and dwarves get along just fine. Sure. I think my biggest beef is that racism is usually presented as "oh you wily elf and your nancy ways, let's go get a beer!" and honestly that has become rediculous to me.


kialio: (Default)

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