kialio: (Default)
ETA: I wrote this over a week ago, but I really just want people to understand how much pain these conversations cause PoC. These "dialogues" are life to us and so much more than an errant conversation.

I want to write something deeply personal.

Something full of pain and hurt and humility.

But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.

I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.

We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.

And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.

"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.

All Aboard

Jan. 20th, 2009 07:40 pm
kialio: (Default)
"The amazing voyage of the of the Failboat Armada."

Only two things have heartened me this past week: Willow’s composure and those allies that finally, painfully get it. My own hand was missing, hesitant, and cowardly in this confrontation. My indignation burned but not enough for me to take on this issue again so soon in the face of some much deliberate ignorance.

How many times must we PoC steel ourselves and wade into arguments that were made over one hundred years ago by the likes of Sojourner Truth. How many times must we be asked to coddle, comfort, and be compassionate to ears that refuse to hear, mouths that speak a racist lie, and eyes which see best only in blindness?

It’s an issue that wears a great stone to mere pebbles that lie in a multitude like gains of sand on the beach. The waves will not stop their assault until everything is ground to dust.

Every single time we speak up there is someone to tell us to shut the hell up. Every time we burn with indignation against the same old shit there is someone there with a fire hose, deranged in their attempt to shut us down. To smolder our passion and erase our justified anger with empty words and rhetoric.

The tools of academia are futile. They are the tools that once argued that folk of justice and honor were one step up from apes. An academia that displayed their body parts in museums next to beasts. An academia that downplays and dismisses the work, the art, and yes, the criticism of cultures from around the world.

PoC still fight for just the right to speak; we haven’t even come close to having a simple discussion.

As It Goes

May. 1st, 2008 09:46 pm
kialio: (Default)
Well life moves on. The house is pretty well in order now considering I moved in months ago and just sort of let things sit for a while. Work has settled down and I really need to start looking into a new part time job to fill in the gaps. Found an interesting master's degree for teaching. I'll need to contact the university to see how it works out exactly. It's a new method of teaching that hasn't completely taken hold yet, but the field could see a ton of growth in the future.

Idiocy in my games is tired and old. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard a person argue for their right to say bigotted things and then cry about being labled a bigot I would be able to buy this nation several times over. I've been watching the Hooper X clip from Chasing Amy to keep my sanity.

Renn Faire has finally started, but I still haven't managed to get down there. Hopefully next weekend.

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