kialio: (Default)
...since there's much ado about gaming.

Some of you may remember a website project I embarked on last summer. It was a thrilling adventure which turned into way too much for me to tackle. Also I believe it suffered from a very ill-chosen location.

_Chromatic Gamers Network_

It was a fun site to put together and run, till I began chasing my own tail for content. In truth I began neglecting the "network" part in latching my attention on to the "gamers" part.

Gamers of Color covers the vitriol, victory, and virtuosity that comes from being a PoC gamer. For CGN, rather, I'd like a who's-playing-what and who's-looking-for-others-to-play-with purpose. The journal model doesn't seem to be well suited to that sort of thing unfortunately. Though I wasn't thrilled with trying to divert attention towards the multi-purpose Ning platform.

Maybe I'm missing something about the journal model? I've seen it work in other connection-communities. Yet those journals have hundreds, if not thousands, of members. CGN in journal mode would be by invite only and feature member-locked entries. Pretty much the same as Mordor.
kialio: (Default)
I received an invite today and will be using the same name there.

In the next few days or so I will create a community devoted to sci-fi/fantasy artwork featuring PoC.

I'll crosspost entries for a long while.
kialio: (Default)
I really shouldn't read things that stress me the hell out and make me angry. But such is life.

Today was the day for the big chop. I've been struggling with my hair nightmare for a year now in all of it's stunted glory. It was just time for it to go. So I've got the short natural now and a few doctor's recommendations so hopefully its condition will improve. It is hard realizing that all of your conceptions about yourself are wrapped up in something so malleable as hair.

Yes, though I try to deny it, in my heart of hearts I buy into the long-and-flowing-hair myth. Whether it be kinks or curls or locs I just want it, and have for years. So now I'm starting over with a length I haven't had since I was a baby. I said this past year hurt like being born and so it goes on. Hopefully there is a warm and comforting future waiting in the wings. I look forward to my heart's dream: a rain streaked window and a nice cup of tea.
kialio: (Default)
...and left undone today.

No Ren Faire today, maybe next weekend.

Letter sent to Amazon. Will send a follow up email. If things persist then a phone call tomorrow.

Thinking of making a login for Steam. Anyone have any pros or cons concerning the service?

Played a lot of Runes of Magic today. I really, really like the game despite my initial reservations.

Gameplay is straightforward. Quests are plentiful and lead you into other areas. I like the ranged classes I've played so far (scout, mage, priest.) Still trying to get the hang of crafting though. It's a little confusing at first. Dual classes are a nice touch, but I still haven't got the hang of which skills can be used when one class is primary and the other is secondary.

So far:

Love: Housing, automatic new skills when you level, graphics, battle is straightforward, seamless no-loading zones, go-to NPC feature (smart auto-run yay!).

Hate: No skin tone darker than dry sand, no /emote command, no dedicated RP server.

Joy...

Apr. 7th, 2009 11:15 pm
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...on a rainy Tuesday evening.

Reading Lackadaisy and listening to 1920s era online radio.

I need to have a 1930s weekend again. I haven't had one in forever. Though this wekend I only have one day off and am going to the Renaissance Faire. Maybe the weekend after.

I love old scratchy-recording songs.

Pet Peeve

Apr. 5th, 2009 11:14 pm
kialio: (Default)
If you understood what I was trying to say you would agree with me.

Examples:
You misunderstand what I'm trying to say.
I didn't word it properly.
I chose the wrong phrasing.
My word choice was poor.
I'm not expressing myself well.

Assumed:
If you understood what I said you would undoubtedly agree with me. E.G. there is nothing wrong with my argument; the fault lies in your comprehension and/or my efforts to convey meaning. Our disagreement can only come from the fact that you are reading the "letter" instead of the "spirit."

Also known as:
Intentions.
kialio: (Default)
Posting this here, because I really don't know where it should go!

Is this fantasy for [livejournal.com profile] deadbrowalking?

Live action roleplay for [livejournal.com profile] gamers_of_color?

Hilarity of the day for [livejournal.com profile] blackfolk?

The possibilities are endless!

Paul Hersey's Organic Armor...for dogs



More Doggies )
kialio: (Default)
I just learned about the occupation of Wounded Knee in 1973, today. While channel surfing in a fit of boredom. Gods I am ashamed (AP US History and Native Studies in college, whut?)

In April, PBS will showcase five films on Native American history/present. It's called We Shall Remain. The first episode premieres on April 13, 2009.
kialio: (Default)
For [livejournal.com profile] skywardprodigal, and all of Mordor. Poem "Dream Variations," by Langston Hughes.




To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,

-"Jali" by SoulGlo-

Warning: Image Heavy )
kialio: (Default)
ETA: I wrote this over a week ago, but I really just want people to understand how much pain these conversations cause PoC. These "dialogues" are life to us and so much more than an errant conversation.

I want to write something deeply personal.

Something full of pain and hurt and humility.

But RaceFail is not the place for that. Not because my words would be welcomed and cherished, but because I am not putting that disease on voyeuristic display simply to prove to others that PoC are human. That we bleed and we bruise, we break and we die.

I had thought about writing about my experiences with the silence of others. The shame and the self-medication that followed it. I am not going to do that. And anyone who reads this can go to FUCKING HELL if PoC need to bleed one more time to prove we are HUMAN.

We suffer and struggle in echoing silence every day. Each in their own way, each in their turn. We are met with abject silence.

And here I thought perhaps if I wrote about it, put that hurt on display, waved my bleeding soul to the world that someone would finally understand. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen.

"Ain't I a woman?" Was asked one-hundred-and-fifty years ago. That question still has not been answered. Silence reigns.
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Hrm, I've been into media of late instead of just poking my nose around on the computer.

First off I'm trying to decide between Watchmen and Street Fighter this weekend. Watchmen... from a jailbreak scene looks godawful, but full of belly laughs. Street Fighter on the other will be familiar rediculousness. Horrible choreographed fighting or Balrog with a grenade launcher? I simply can't choose.

In other news I seem to always want fanfiction of a strange sort. I just finished watching the newest BBC production of Oliver Twist with the lovely Sophie Okonedo as Nancy. And well, I want Nancy fic badly. It's not just because I love the Victorian era, or am fascinated by the life of the London poor. Though that's all true I'd trek far for an Oliver Twist fic featuring the beautiful, new Miss Nancy. And I'm not much a fic reader and haven't been so for years.

I want to "know" Nancy and what her life was like... Which is sort of sad on my part. I like Dickens but have never been able to slog through his books excepting A Christmas Carol. Who knows, maybe it's the girl-like-me effect of Sophie's portrayal. <3

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1- British colonials enforced and solidified the caste system in India.

2- The reason we do not have universal healthcare: Franklin D. Roosevelt proposed such a system as part of the new deal but did not have the political backing because white folk in the South (and everywhere else) did not want to pay for (nor see in their in hospitals) black folk.

Terroir

Feb. 25th, 2009 11:17 pm
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Way up past bedtime but I stumbled upon a lovely program called Terroir*.

A drama series about, well, wine and the importance of said wine. I've been endeared to Woo Joo already.

Although I'm a sucker for costume dramas of every stripe and sash, I do enjoy the modern day mishap type of show every now and again. The program looks cute so I'll stick with it for a while.






*SBS has english subtitles.
kialio: (Default)
in the corner...

sucking on my thumb...

holding the blankie close...

chanting it's gonna be all right...

I'm done, I was done before, but now I'm done-done, slightly less than the done I will be tomorrow evening. And nearly not as much done as I will be on the eve of the new year.

Notwithstanding my contempt of convenient cadres of colored comrades. Well... I was going to write up a large diatribe about "unintentional racism" and "I can has rainbow friends" but I just don't have that in me today. I took a much needed break from breaking my fingers on my keyboard regarding the ridiculousness of others. A very, very long break from RaceFail, BlogFail, MayorFail, RapperFail, CartoonFail, RE5Fail, etc. I'm really quite ready for things to !Win. Just a little bit, just a teensy bit. There are little bits of !Win here and there, water them and watch them grow hopefully.

In other Band Wagon(TM) News I'm looking into getting back into roller skating. Skating, not the blading type which didn't thrill me all that much. Though I was shocked honestly; skates are expensive! I'm tempted to put together some computer chair wheels and an old shoe to defray the cost.

I'm now in a RPG group, with people of a different and same hue. Will head-throbbing hilarity ensue? I'm not sure but we are playing Call of Cthulhu!

Yes, a game based on the works of a man who wrote On the Creation of N****rs and other razzle-dazzling displays of racist hegemony. Yes, I am that desperate for roleplay. Leery about putting myself out there again but I’ve got to go out beyond my own door every once in a while at least.

As it Goes

Jan. 23rd, 2009 01:06 pm
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Reading...For once in my life I'm not reading anything at the moment. I have Naughts and Crosses, but that's a bit too heavy for me at the moment and I'm looking for something lighter.

Writing...World building at the moment. I'm trying to create a fantasy world that doesn't draw its influence by the faux-medieval period of D&D. However I'm also trying not to simply copy/paste the trappings of other cultures for flavor.

World building is interesting. You start with an idea, a simple twist, then continents form and rivers begin to flow. It's all very exciting, yet as the world grows larger it's no simple task to keep it from being a mere derivative of history or the modern day world. The pull of a LotR setting is strong, very strong. My mind is not my own or my ancestors’ when it comes to fantasy.

I'm also trying to think of something to write for the ReMyth Project. Well in all honestly I have a few topics in mind; it's just that when they spill out onto paper they just aren't good enough. Everyone's writings have been fantastic, and my stories seem so shallow in comparison. I find that my dreams are colonized and empty.

Watching...Reno 911 when able, it comes on at 1am on broadcast TV. It's really a showcase of problematic material, but what I love is that the problematic has consequences. No one acts ignorant in a vacuum as one might see on other shows.

Playing...Final Fantasy 12. So far I'm loving Fran and Baltheir. The gentleman rogue and the silent, strong woman have always been favorite archetypes of mine.

I'm also playing City of Heroes. The game play is fun but I can't quite get into the role-playing side of it. Level development is rather straightforward and simple. Unfortunately I'm not too fond of the combat system. Combat seems rather slow to respond to commands and there is no sort of auto-attack that I think would help mitigate that.

Drawing...Practicing my life drawing. I realized I primarily focus on faces to the detriment of the rest of the body. I've been practicing the difficult things like feet and hands. My skeletons are pretty good, but I still have difficulty placing musculature.

Working...Work is work. Trying to hold down a job right now in this uncertain economy. I'm on the lookout for a new job as soon as April arrives. What I might be doing I have no idea, but it needs to be something I can focus on and enjoy.

All Aboard

Jan. 20th, 2009 07:40 pm
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"The amazing voyage of the of the Failboat Armada."

Only two things have heartened me this past week: Willow’s composure and those allies that finally, painfully get it. My own hand was missing, hesitant, and cowardly in this confrontation. My indignation burned but not enough for me to take on this issue again so soon in the face of some much deliberate ignorance.

How many times must we PoC steel ourselves and wade into arguments that were made over one hundred years ago by the likes of Sojourner Truth. How many times must we be asked to coddle, comfort, and be compassionate to ears that refuse to hear, mouths that speak a racist lie, and eyes which see best only in blindness?

It’s an issue that wears a great stone to mere pebbles that lie in a multitude like gains of sand on the beach. The waves will not stop their assault until everything is ground to dust.

Every single time we speak up there is someone to tell us to shut the hell up. Every time we burn with indignation against the same old shit there is someone there with a fire hose, deranged in their attempt to shut us down. To smolder our passion and erase our justified anger with empty words and rhetoric.

The tools of academia are futile. They are the tools that once argued that folk of justice and honor were one step up from apes. An academia that displayed their body parts in museums next to beasts. An academia that downplays and dismisses the work, the art, and yes, the criticism of cultures from around the world.

PoC still fight for just the right to speak; we haven’t even come close to having a simple discussion.
kialio: (Default)
...filling your dreams to the brim with fright.



Life's no fun without a good scare.

M.I.A.

Aug. 27th, 2008 02:23 pm
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Okay, so I've been out of it for a week. I've been WoWing, Wii-ing, Wedding, and wallowing really.

On the WoW front I've been busy with the Beta and a write up for GoC/CGN. Lots of nice screen shots as well.

From the Wii-ing angle I've been playing the Mii-feature games, taking really bad screen shots, and compiling a write up for GoC/CGN.

The wedding was for a family friend, but it's nice to get out of the house and have your eardrums blown out.

I'm still working on Part 2 of "Why Can't We All Just Get Along." Though recently I've been thinking of writing something I call the "Blackface Test" as an explanation or rather examination of the ridiculousness of intent vs. actions.

I've also been wallowing but that's more of a symptom of failed spirituality and will take time to sort out.
kialio: (IBARW)
I've thought over my IBARW blog post from the other day a bit. Turning it over my head and more or less realizing that it's pretty much applicable to all parts of fandom and society. I'd like expand on a sentiment that I talked about there in greater depth here. I called it the "agreeable gamer" in that post but it can be termed "agreeable fanfic writer/sci-fi nut/fantasy artist/TV series junkie" and so on.

I don't bother myself with die-hard bigots, racists, homophobes, or sexists. People who don't want to understand just don't want to understand. I don't have Morgan Freeman's infinite patience with the clueless. Those who I do try to reach out to, and at times am completely baffled by, are the "agreeables." People who agree with a certain issue and support their friends privately, but who through willfulness or fear, choose not to say anything publicly.

And it's strange conundrum. Yes, people should be treated with respect and consideration. Yes, people should be heard. Yes, I agree with you and your cause. But damned if I ever speak up in support, affirmation, or understanding. There's sort of a "can't we all just get along" current that runs beneath this idea and/or mentality. If we just stay quiet, stay agreeable things will change sooner or later. Smile sweetly, talk softly. Implore, never demand. Don't make other people uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if this has ever worked in history. Freedom from feudalism did not come because peasants waited patiently for it. Freedom from aristocracy did not happen because people waited patiently for it. The right to participate in government did not happen because people waited patiently for it. The right of women to vote, the right of PoC to be citizens, the right to not be killed or raped for your skin color did not happen because people waited patiently. And something as mundane as wanting to ride in the front of the bus (the bus still gets you there anyway right?) did not happen because people waited patiently for it.

Things do not just happen. Things do not just come to be out of the ether. Minds don't change because one day they wake up and say hey, I was being ridiculous before. "Can't we all just get along" is more about insuring the status quo of the now than it is about support and desire for positive change for tomorrow morning. For the "agreeable" person things are good for them now. While they may understand, please don't rock the boat as they find the cruise quite enjoyable otherwise. If we all "get along" these uncomfortable issues will disappear. To seethe beneath the surface unaddressed and unredressed.

Things change when people speak up. When they make other people uncomfortable and make them think. Those people of the past didn’t need to shout from the rooftops or coat cities with fliers. They talked earnestly and with conviction. Many of them had more dire fears of bodily harm than being looked down upon by their peers. If you agree with my cause, if you agree with that right of being a whole person and not shutting off the very essence of myself when confronted by bigotry… Why in gods name do you frown, do you nod in agreement, do you clasp hands with me, but never speak up?

I'm as baffled by it as MLK Jr. was forty years ago:

"First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Councilor or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another mans freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro the wait for a "more convenient season." *Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating that absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection."
http://coursesa.matrix.msu.edu/~hst306/documents/letter.html

More on this as I gather my thoughts together.

*Emphasis mine.
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